I have been thinking a lot & I was going mad, thinking over and over!I was thinking of my life, just a few months back. Yes, a normal , peaceful life which I had a few months back.
Yes I too had lots of dreams like everyone else.I have also dreamed of a life, like everyone else.I have also dreamed of a career like everyone. Dreamed of a job like everyone else.
But right now, I have lost everything. I have lost a career which once I thought will be mine.I lost the hope of getting a job, which once I thought of I will be doing. I lost everything, which I wanted once. I lost everything! I lost the very my own self!
I’m in a new world now. A world which thinks stupid of me, which has strange people, which speaks a language unknown to me, which always stares (sometimes even laughs) at me as if I’m a fool. Cloud of uncertainty surrounds me...
Why I’m here? What made me come here? Still a mystery! Have I lost everything? Why I always travel through this mysterious, uncertain way? Is this the way true for me? But it’s dark. Its pitch dark in front of me. When I close my eyes, my earlier dreams haunt me. It always bangs at my heart, why am I here? Why have I chosen this?
It’s hard for me to bear. Yes it’s hard. Its dark in front of me. It’s pitch dark.
Am I mistaken? Have I taken the wrong way? Or this is the certain way for me? Am I renewing or redefining my whole life? Am I preparing myself for a new mission here?God knows! But all I know one thing is, if you want to gain something, you have to lose something. Something that is very precious to you. And I realise that, there is a particular time in our life, in which, if we say YES to something, it is a YES forever. And if we say ‘NO’ to something, it is a NO forever.
Yes, it is a ‘YES’ & ‘NO’ for a life time, which you can never correct.There should not be any looking back. What you have lost is LOST! And I have to accept it. That is LIFE !
Once I had beautiful colours in my dreams. Now it is pitch dark.Once I was so sure of myself, now, I’m not. Once I drove my own ways lead a life of my own. Now I’m driven by some other force, which is more powerful than I can resist.
I want someone to hold on to. I want someone whom I can trust! I want someone to whom I can cling on to. I badly want an angel at my side to console me. I want a divine presence to comfort me.‘When my heart was grieved, and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant, I was a brute beast before you. Yet I’m always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom I have in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But for me it is good to be near God.
Yes, all the comfortable words of God, are true and do not lie, which say, “God is our strength and refuge.” Has any man who puts his trust in God ever been put to shame? All who trust in God will be saved. Because its true that God has given his only begotten son for our salvation. If He gave his own son for us, how could he ever bring himself to desert us in small things?
I’m starting a new life here. A new way of thinking. Seeking everything anew. Seeking everything afresh, with the new spirit that He has given me.
