The secret of LIVING !

 Dare to rejoice in what God is accomplishing through you and around you. Then all forms of pessimism about yourself and others, which were waging war on your soul, will melt away. - No Greater Love, 1990.

'No greater Love' , a beautiful reflection of Br.Roger of Taize !  

Preparing for the days of Renewal, for a new Pentecost, these days are a time to really analyse, to think, to re-think, how much I'm poor in my spirit!

A time to 'get lost' of 'MYSELF' and to get into my 'REAL SELF' ! So that others will witness & say " Can we find any one like this man, one in whom is the Spirit of God?"  (Gen 41: 38) , thus proclaiming the Glory of  the Lord !

Moreover a deepening in the Holiness in ourselves !

But my own attitudes,my own thoughts , resist me, hide me, from my 'REAL SELF' in Him. I cannot give up myself, my 'MYSELF' to Him, to the 'HIM' in others. The more I get to know people, the more 'MYSELF' I'm ! The more hard 'heartened' I'm! The greatest 'sinner' I'm ! The most 'unworthy' I'm ! 

And finally, the secret of living is getting revealed to me, it is 'HUMILITY' ! To become humble before the Lord and others ! And its not easy !
Its understanding people, accepting people, giving up the 'MYSELF' ! 
And I've  miserably failed in doing so.Though I know the secret to LIVE, I'm not able to 'LIVE' any more ! 

Lord, I'm weak. I'm so rich in the 'spirit of the World' ! But, still I try to rejoice, because its in my Weaknesses, you are Strong !

Make me 'poor' in the Spirit Lord. Wash me and Sanctify me in Your Spirit !

Veni Sancte Spiritus!

"Through the fig tress do not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior" Hab 3, 17-19.

Veni Sancte Spiritus !

I was pouring out my complaint again! About the nothingness in front of me, about the troubles,about the sacrifices, about the distresses, about the desires, about the dreams ... and on and on and on.
And at times, I ask myself," have I mistaken? "; "Have I gone wrong any where?"; "The choice, was from me ?"; And my most frequently asked question '"Can I walk back?" ,knowing its useless in itself, a 'no matter question' to others!
Because, the 'YES' once said is 'YES FOREVER'! And the burden is too much for me to bear. From one to the other, double faced persons, make me 'Untrust' HIM!
At times 'Faith' becomes a 'fantasy' for me!
Living the Lord's 'Terribleness' and 'gentleness' at the same time is really strange!And what I can only do is 'wash Your feet with my tears!'

"You will weep no more.How gracious HE will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears HE will answer you". Is 30: 19But HE desires it & it is His will, that I should pour out my troubles before Him, and not let it lie it upon myself , dragging it about with me and being chafed and tortured by it, so that in the end I make two or even ten or hundred calamities out of one. HE wills that I should be too weak to bear and overcome troubles, such that I may lean to find strength in Him, and that He may be praised through His Strength in me.

Reading my 'lengthy Taize notes', reminds me the 'Mistery and Fantasy' that HE keeps on playing in my life, at the end assuring a long LIFE in HIm, in HIm alone !

But still I come to my Lord, my King, with large petitions, for His Grace and Power are such, that none can ever ask too much!And above all, He sends His Helper to me, who helps me to reflect on the 'Pleasant surprises' that He has left for me all through out my life.
And singing my ever favorite Taize chant :

Veni Sancte Spiritus,Come Holy Spirit, from Heaven shine forth,
with your glorious light,
Veni Sancte Spiritus....
You are my only comforter, peace of the soul,
in my labor you refresh me
And in trouble you are my only strength,
Veni Sancte Spiritus!'.

" LOVE, is a DECISION, madam ! "

Am I really happy?
Before telling a word, I need to think! In a way think a lot!!!
I'm not happy! and the reason.............
I cannot find a place for myself here. Where should I actually belong ?
May me going into a bit deeper into myself, I'm not loved by any one !

NO, I'M MISTAKEN!

I cannot love others more than my self!
Which is I believe, should be the aim of every Christian- The followers of Christ- who has loved us/ still loving us, more than anyone/any thing in this world!
And why I cannot realize this love for me. Because its through 'others' He loves me. and if I cannot accept others or above all, LOVE others, I cannot feel His love in my Life! I cannot live His Love in my life!

And I remember, the powerful words which I have ever heard in my life told to me by my spiritual father,
"LOVE, by the way, is a decision, madam !"
I was in a way shocked to hear this! Is it a decision of ours, to love others?
Which is absolutely true and not sooo Easy to put into practice !

What we can do is TRY , TRY & TRY again!
And the practice makes it perfect!
Perfect & enduring LOVE like HIS!

And hence, 'LOVE is a decision'!

Passion FOR CHRIST !

'Il Quaresima'- The Lenten days!

Days of purification , reflection & penitence! These days made me think of the Passion of Christ! How brutally he was crucified ! But the reason - the very reason for his suffering- that count on us. I was watching the film Passion of Christ few days back, at the same time, was reading the prophecy of Isaiah about the 'The suffering and Glory of the Servant'- Is 53.

And for the 'first time' in my life, the passion of the Christ, has touched me or better 'Pierced' my heart like never before.
'His appearance was so disfigured, beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond any man'. Is 53:14.

Its just amazing how He influences people. Everyone, who have met Him, has been changed, has been converted. And the encounters were more intense for those who saw his 'PASSION'- on his way to the Cross. I remember the faces in the film, the lives which have been deeply touched, pierced by Him, by His sight, by his Words, by His passion...
And at the same time, how He consoled His mother, other women who were weeping for Him... Just Amazing! And what made Him do all these FOR US ?
I have believed or proclaimed so all these years, without knowing what he actually DID. Even though well educated in Faith , even though from a God fearing Family, like most of us, I too have taken it for granted.
But now, this moment, the life here, has made me feel His presence & LOVE for me! And now I realize why He did it for me & how painful it was- it IS - for Him.

Starting from the Gadzamen, from the soldier Malcus,the very TOUCH of Jesus, was a healing for him!
The dancer women in Herode's court, for her, just one 'GAZE' of Him was more than enough to realize herself and to bring an inner change.
Simon the bearer of the cross, went away weeping seeing the crucifixion of Jesus. What relation he has with Him? 'carrying the heavy cross' for HIM, may be for a few hours?Even that pain was enough to realize HIM!
The soldier-when he pierced Him with the spear, when His Blood & water sprinkled out on him, how he was transformed! With a micro second his eyes were opened, he went on his knee and the change was visible in his face. Just remembered the very first miracle of Jesus- changing water into wine. And here the wine- the blood of Jesus gushes out with water purifying Him.
Veronica, the women weeping over on the streets, the witnesses of the crucifixion, the thief on the cross, and the list goes on and on.............
"Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear" Lc 10: 23-24.

In my life too, I see many faces -of worries, of hatred, of jealousy, of lust, of depression & moreover I see all these faces in me too. And I think these were the same or much similar faces existed 2000 years back , which were CHANGED completely, when had an encounter with Jesus ! And the same faces exist today also, in me, and around me at the need of Change- the TRANSFORMATION!

And when I realize His Love for me, what can I do?
Lord, you have DIED for me! You have made yourself crushed every single bone of yours for me, for my sins!
What can I do for YOU?
I will give myself completely to YOU!
I will praise & adore YOU forever!
Will sprout out with joy like the nature did at your death & resurrection & will go out to the ends of the world, with the great Fervor to PROCLAIM you ,to WITNESS you!

And I will never be ALONE, as the one who have been abandoned by everyone is MY GOD!
I will never be SAD, as the one who have suffered the most is MY REFUGE!
I will never be PROUD, as the one who have humbled himself even to lay his life for me is MY TOWER!
I will never be AFRAID, as the one who have Risen form the dead is my LORD!
Lord, let your Words 'burn' my heart!
Let your Wounds heal my Life!
Let your Blood sanctify me!
Let me love you the most , to the maximum, till it hurts me !
Let your passion- PASSION OF CHRIST- help me to have a great PASSION for you.
A PASSION ONLY FOR CHRIST!