DISCOVERING THE ‘UNSEARCHABLE RICHES’ OF CHRIST!

DISCOVERING THE ‘UNSEARCHABLE RICHES’ OF CHRIST!

The 3 wonderful months in Taize - the ever best days of my life .For sure it has changed me a lot. The Taize days have given me a new perspective of life. It was a time for me to learn and to realise new dimensions of faith, spirituality, silence, the inner self, beauty of creation, the profound glory of the creator and lot more....

The initial days of mine in Taize were a bit confusing and chaotic. We reached Taize empty handed, since our luggages were delivered 3 days after we reached. The rush in the summer, the crowded pathways, strange and new faces around; all together made me stressed and put me in a desolated situation. For the first few days, I never had a clue of what was happening around. Prayer at 3 times a day, which had chants in almost all the languages (though I was used to the Taize prayers, I had sung only the songs in English) and the 10 minutes of silence during each prayer, everything were completely strange for me! It took around one month for me to get into the LIFE in Taize. But what surprised me most was the young people from differnet countries and of different culture, coming around the cross and spending quiet a lot of time in front the cross. And as time went on, I was also dragged towards the cross by the infinite love of Christ. And ultimately, I would say, I fell in love with the cross- His crown for me. Every day, I could feel, each step of mine towards the cross, towards Jesus, filling me with His enduring love.

Yes, I was learning something new, through all those eventful days of mine in Taize. And I was relearning, as well as unlearning many things in my life. The jobs in Taize -working and praying together with the permanents from different continents and the people in the field , was a beautiful time for me to learn how to pray ceaselessly and to find God in everything. The weekly Bible Studies for the permanents helped me to relearn, how to deepen in prayer and in faith. The divine silence in the Roman Church helped me to unlearn the darkest desires deep in my heart, to get detached from my false self. Sitting in front of the tabernacle, I was relearning how to surrender myself wholly to Jesus. I was learning to obey without questioning. I was relearning to expect the unexpected .And also I was unlearning to stick on to the same place, same people, same faces and the same thoughts...

The life in N’toumi- though it seemed strange in the beginning, those days helped me to relearn the universal bond – We are the children of one God- that binds us together in our hearts. Even in the midst of different languages, cultures colour and race, I was unlearning to spot out the diversity and was learning to enjoy the oneness in Christ.

The joyful time spent with the other permanents- when they opened up their personal lives and shared their struggles and worries with me, I was learning to be a good listener.I was learning to open up myself to Christ and to others.

The wonderful meetings with my contact sister: most of the time they were hot discussions on faith, on Bible, on the difference in cultures, the common life in Taize etc. Sometimes they were long walks around Taize, sharing with her my personal struggles, the very stupid and anxious thoughts of mine about life. It was indeed a time for me to learn that Faith is just a humble trust in God (words of fr.Roger).Gradually all my meetings with her ,became a mind reading game - word by word, line by line, she was reading my mind very clearly. All these time spent with her has helped me to unlearn the impatience and anxiety in me and above all to unlearn questioning God and seeking answers from Him. I was relearning to accept life as it is!

A week in silence- a wonderful and joyful time for me to find God in nature, to enjoy the ‘beauty of LIFE’ around me and to praise and glorify the Mighty God for his marvellous works. As I walk down the memory lane, all the images of- my long walks through the never ending narrow path ways; enjoying the silence in the Roman churches; singing alone and aloud in the sunflower fields; burning my head on the very simple, yet mysterious words of Jesus; being alone and speaking to the unknown flowers and birds around me - still remain vivid and clear in my mind. I was really learning the value of inner silence and how it leads to prayer, and the prayer to love and peace of mind. Nothing great happened to me, but all I could feel was the heavenly joy and peace in my heart. I hope and pray, the seeds which were sowed within me ,will sprout out once and bear fruits in my life.

After the silence week, I was more joyful than ever before. During the last weeks of mine in Taize, I enjoyed spending time in the silence of Roman Church, staying back in the church after the prayers, singing and scribbling down the scattered thoughts of mine. By spending hours in front of the cross at night, I could feel a heavenly presence, comforting and strengthening me. I was actually learning ‘How to Listen to God - the Inner voice deep inside me ’.

But I still relish the joyous and the youthful vigour of the Asian meetings on every Mondays, and the comforting, loving and charming presence of fr.Jean- Marie and fr. Jean Patrick during the meetings. I was learning how to share the joy and happiness which I posses, with others. Throughout the discussions, I was realising the struggles and joy of witnessing Christ in our lives.

To sum up, it was a time for me

· to look back , to realise the countless blessings in my life

· to renew and purify myself – to be Refined in HIs fire, Renewed in His Spirit, Radiant in His Love.

· to find/Discover God, deep within me

· to be open to Christ and to enjoy and accept the mystery of Life with Him

· to be myself, to remain in my own identity in humility and love

· ...............................................................................

(And lot more, which I still have to discover!)

I still miss Taize , but as Bro.Aois had said, I have started discovering God back at my home. Thomas Merton has mentioned in his book, ‘New seeds of Contemplation’, “In each moment of our lives, God plants something new, the seeds that are planted in my liberty at every moment by God’s will are the seeds of my own identity, my own reality, my own happiness, my own sanctity. To discover these seeds and make them grow in me is the mystery of life”.

And now I’m back home; back to my reality. But the real life is too hard to follow. The wonderful, yet unspeakable mystery of life makes me cry and even makes me go mad some times. But I’m no longer anxious about anything, for I know, the one within me is able to carry His will and His will is mine. It doesn’t matter where he places me or how. That is rather for him to consider than for me, for in the easiest position he must give me his grace and in the most difficult situation his grace is sufficient. And I know,

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him”. Isaiah 64:4

Deep inside me, I pray, “My heart is not proud O Lord; my eyes are not haughty, I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for meBut I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother,like a weaned child is my soul within me.... put your hope in the Lord both now and forever more.”(Ps 131)

Back at home, what I really have in my mind is the few words of Bro.Roger- Simplicity, joy, silence, reconciliation, forgiveness, simple trust in God..... They keep on banging in my heart like never before.......... And I’m still trying to discover, THE UNSEARCHABLE RICHES OF CHRIST!

ITS ONLY YOU & YOUR LORD !

Life is really strange. There are situations that we don't want to happen in our lives, but we are forced to LIVE it.

People do come across different struggles in life.But there will be someone with whom you can share your problems with. Being in a very good friends' circle, having sweet and good parents will surely help you to come out of the problem with much ease. Mine is also very similar , or I should say I'm more blessed than that. But certain things in my life , neither my parents can make out nor my friends; neither my pastor can make out,nor my team members ; neither my cousins nor any one in this world !

Things are that much complicated!

Every one need THINGS TO BE DONE!

No one sees how we work on that , how much pain we put on it , in what situations we are !

Then I'm blessed.

Because I'm for HIM and the pains that I have are for HIM.

Its the TOP SECRET between ME & MY LORD

Things which HE can only understand.

Yes its only YOU & YOUR LORD!

He only knows my worries and concerns.

I believe , Lord You will answer me.

You will be there with me always!

Even in the darkest hours of my life!

Let you name be Praised !

Amen.

An Invitation From Taize` !!

I remember years back speaking to one of the senior JY, my desire to go to Taize` in France.

Ohh well, Taize` community in France is a eccumenical community, which attracts many a youth in Europe, with its special ways of praying in silence.Taize` chants are often sung by our groups in almost all gatherings of ours.

Months back, when I was preparing for my University exams, I got a call from Subin Bhayya, the asst.National Coordinator of Jesus Youth, India informing me that, I have to go to Taize` for 3 months this year.i couldn't utter a single word then as I was so confused about my future.

But Lord really wanted me to go as everything turned up well after many days of discussions and prayers with my family!

I do believe that, in this Jubilee year, three months of Silence- reflecting on the words of our Lord, is indeed a great blessing for me (and Mansi from Delhi- as we both are going to France this year). A really great blessing for us to be Refined inHis Fire, Renewed by His Spirit and Radiant in His Love!

The Lord has Great plans for each one of us.But believe me, its really hard to say YES to Him.

But once we are for Him, we are with Him forever and He will see to every needs of ours.

He will guide our ways and will turn everything favorable for us !

Praise God!

Heaveny Water !

Tears , they are never ending water drops, especially that of girls .
Never try to stop a person from crying,if he doesn't do it intentionally , as his tears are God given.
They are heavenly water , HIS greatest gift for us to make us calm and cool.
Just feel the freshness and peace of mind after crying and weeping.
It really consoles us and gives us peace at heart!
They are holy water from Above , mean't to water the dryness of our mind.
They are heavenly water gushing out of eyes to make the burning sand inside into a pool and the thirsty dry mind to bubble with springs.
So let the tears come out... let it never stop watering my desolated mind!
Let the water gush forth in the wilderness like streams in the desert!
Amen.

Songs in the Night !

It is easy to sing songs at day, when the sun shines brightly, when the nature is happy !
We enjoy humming to the tunes of the birds and breeze.
When we top in all the exams, when we have all the needful things at our hands, our songs are even more lively and joyful.
All these are normal right ?
But what about songs in the night ?
Do anyone enjoy singing in the night?
It is hard to sing with HIM in distress and in despair.
How shall we sing a hymn of praise thanking HIM in the midst of uncerainities?
But what I say is Songs in the night are divinely inspired!
Until and unless one gets the song from HIS heart and music from HIS lips , one can never sing songs of praises in the darkness!
Lord help me to be with YOU always, in the daylight and even in the darkest hours of my life.
Amen.

Your Grace is sufficient for me!

Today I received a call from one of my close friend. She was totally disturbed and wanted me to pray for her. Even though we talked for a long time on phone, I couldn't help her to get out of that bad mood of hers.I was asking Lord, why I couldn't convince her?

I remember one of my uncle telling me:

'If you are an evangelist, God's power will be with you and he will be protecting you from the evil around'.

If the Lord is within us, people around us can experience His presence through us.He will be speaking through us and each word of ours , each work of ours will bear abundant fruits.

Then I could make out, why my words were not enough for my friend to get relaxed.

The Lord is too far from me right now and I have to prepare myself in prayers and fasting, so as to make my heart a perfect dwelling for HIM.

Even though we are far away from Him, He will never forsake us.We are weak in ourselves, but He can strengthen us.

"Remember, Lord, that you have made me as one who is weak, that you formed me from dust. How can I stand, if you do not constantly look upon me, to strengthen this clay, so that my strength may proceed from your face? When you hide your face, all grows weak".(Ps 104:29):

This Lenten season is truly a season of new thoughts and insights for me.

Praise God !

PSALMS!

I was meditating on the book of psalms these days.

How wonderfully the psalmist has written down the Lord's Glory.

Especially Psalms 131 and 139.

They are revelations like never before!

The Lord has marvelously created me

Have I ever thought of that?

You know me from the very beginning !

You have woven me so carefully and wonderfully in my mother's womb!

You saw me before I was born.

And each day of my life is in your records.

You watch over me all the time!

How precious are Your thoughts about me!

Thank You Lord for the beautiful thoughts you gave!

I was also reading 'A commentary on the Book of psalms' By St. Richard Bellarmine.

Its such a huge book.

The saint has beautifully portrayed the meaning of each and every line of all the 150 psalms.

A must read book!

I think not only king David, each one of us should have a Psalm written by ourselves!

HIS WAYS ARE STRANGE!

I remember, myself giving a sharing on 'The Relevance of Jesus in our lives' to a group of college students long back. Then the Lord me say these sentences."Jesus is the solution to all our problems, But how He solves, will be entirely different in our lives. He is strange and unique in each of our lives".

Recently, once again, Lord made me experience His strange ways in my life.

Days back I had a test paper in class and I performed really bad on that paper. I was damn sure that I will not get the minimum marks.But above all those, my thought was on the reaction of sir, when he gives us the answer sheets.I never wanted myself to be humiliated in front of the class.

So I prayed on my knees, seeking strength to face that difficult situation. Even though I prayed really hard,I took leave on some days,thinking that I may get the answer sheets, those days.

But that paper was never given to us for weeks.

At last that day arrived. The professor entered our class room with the big pile of our corrected answer sheets.

He started distributing the papers, calling each student to the desk, pointing out the mistakes and explaining where to improve and all. (As we are in our final semester, All our teachers want us to score high marks unlike the previous semester results :D )

I was breathless, and was eagerly waiting and getting ready to receive the BEAUTIFUL gift from my professor.

But to my wonder, I was not given the paper till he finished distributing all the papers.

With much reverence I stood up and communicated this good news to him.

He said sorry and said, that he missed my paper while correcting others' and found it just before he came to class that day. He asked me to meet him in the office, so that by then he would correct it and give me the answer sheet.I met him and collected my paper from him that day itself, and I did clear the paper also.He didn't say much but just asked me to do well next time.

That was a real wonder to me.

See, how beautifully the Lord has arranged these sequences to happen in my life!

He is really strange in His ways!

The Right Thing To Do!

Memories make me write.

While I was walking down the memory lane, I stuck up with the International leaders training happened in Bangkok, Thailand, happened last July.

During one of the training days, we had a discussion on VOCATION.

I have heard of married life, singles' life and religious life.The point of this discussion was to discern our call.I remember, I was desperately keeping silence all throughout the discussion.

I felt really bad for not opening my mouth at least once.

Back home after the training,I was disturbed about this.

My problem was 'Have I discerned my call ? If so , what is it?

I'm sure that I'm called to lead a wonderful, beautiful married life.

But Lord has never put that sought of feeling in my mind till now.

I was really disturbed on this.

Because Lord says that I have got a family life for you and never give such a sought of feelings to me.

I shared this concern of mine with one of a senior Jesus Youth.

She said: " Dona , Lord will give you the right feelings, for the right person at the right time. You might have the right feeling to the right person.But the Lord never reveals it, as it is not the right time".

Yes, The Lord has a beautiful plan for each one of us.

He gives us the right directions at the right time.If we are completely in tuned to His Voice, we can see wonders happening in our lives.

The power of PRAYER!

My mom was attending a retreat last weekend and my brother and I were busy studying for our internals which were scheduled on the following week.I was so happy then, as I could fruitfully use those days, preparing for my exams.

I wondered, because that was the first time in last 12- 14 months , that I was studying with such an enthusiasm.

When my mom returned for the retreat, she revealed the reason for my great keenness to study.

During the retreat days, she was praying really hard for both of us.

She was holding us both in her hands and lifted us up to the Mighty Hands of the Lord.

All through out the retreat days she was strongly interceding for us.

It was because of the power of her prayers, I was experiencing that difference in my life.

The power of the Intercession is really strong, and none of our prayers are left unanswered.The life of St.Monica and St.Augustine, exemplifies this TRUTH to us.

How beautiful our lives would have been If many were there to pray for each one of us everyday!

Lord, help each one of us to lead a beautiful life, according to your will.

Mother Mary , pray for us.

St.Don Bosco, pray for us.

Dona a GIFT ???

Long back ,I met an old priest during one of our Jesus Youth gatherings.I was seeing him for the first time.While we started talking, he asked my name and I answered ,my name is Dona.

Then to my astonishment he stared at me, as if he has never ever seen such a 'person' before.

Then he asked, "Dona... what does 'DONA' mean ?

This is the first time a person asking the meaning of my name.

I said, "I don't know".

I have heard in many preachings, that every Christian name will have a meaning.

But i wonder, I have never searched the meaning of my name!

Then that old priest continued, " dear , Dona means GIFT, Adanoi-'The Gift' - in Egyptian language.

I was really happy to hear that.

But the question that struck me was not that.

Again he asked, "Are you really a GIFT to others? Do others find you as a GIFT in their lives? "

I didn't expect him to ask this question. I was speechless at that moment.

Ever since this incident has happened, whenever my name is called out, this big question pops out in my mind - 'Am I a gift to others ? Am I blessing for others?'

Few days back when I was meditating on the Word of God, I stuck up with a verse.

The Word of God says,

'As each has received a gift, employ it in serving one another, as good managers of the grace of God in its various forms.'1 Peter 4: 10

I/We have received a gift form above and the Lord wants me/us to use it in serving others.He wants me/us to be good managers of the His Graces that He has been showering on us, each and every day of our lives.

But do I really do that ?

I don't know !

Lord, help me to be a real blessing for others.

St.Don Bosco, pray for all the youth around the Globe.