Good & Evil changed places

Reflections of mine with Leo Tolstoy together with the WOG Luke 9.

Peter's confession of Christ (Lk 9 : 20- )
"But what about you ?", he asked. " Who do you say I am?" .Peter answered, "The Christ of God".
(other Gospels say, " You are the son of the living God".) The Gospel continues
....Then he said to them all, "If any one would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross 'daily' and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it....

One of the word of God, which has influenced me a lot in my daily life. I was recollecting, how I was trying to understand this mysterious words of Jesus when I heard a year back in Taize.At first, it didn't give me much trouble. But later, I was made to hear this again and again. It striked a bell in me, I should say it pierced my heart, it has wounded my heart a lot that no other WOG has touched me like this and yet I don't know why.I remember writing long long pages on this particular word of God then. Yes , it has influenced me in every aspect of my life from then on. I could count on how my life has changed from then on.
I have proclaimed HIM as my saviour, as my Lord, I know HIM better now, but have I understood what my cross is ?
How to deny myself ? How to deny the worldly desires in me for HIM?
Have I heard His voice in my heart? How To follow HIS will in my life ?
'To follow my heart' !

As my life started changing on this WOG, I could see how the good and the evil change their places !
Interesting !
Its like the good thief !
Leo Tolstoy explains this better than me ... :)

'All that was on his right is now on his left, and all that was on his left was on his right; his former wish to get as far as possible from home has changed into a wish to be as near as possible to it. the direction of my life and my desires became different and good and evil changed places. I. like the thief on the cross, have believed Christ's teaching and been saved. And this is no far-fetched comparison, but the closest experience of the condition of spiritual despair and horror at the problem of life & death in which I lived formerly, and of the condition of peace & happiness in which I'm now. I, like the thief , knew that I was unhappy & suffering... I,like the thief to the cross, was nailed by some force , ( of my own sins, i believe) to that life of suffering and evil. And, as after the meaningless sufferings & evils of life, the thief awaited the terrible darkness of death, so did I await the same thing.

In all this I was exactly like the thief, but the difference was that the thief was already dying, while I was still living. The thief might believe that his salvation lay there beyond the grave, but I could not be satisfied with that, because besides a life beyond the grave life still awaited me here. But I did not understand that life. It seemed to be terrible. And suddenly I heard the words of the Christ
"But what about you ?", he asked. " Who do you say I am?" .Peter answered, "The Christ of God".... Then he said to them all, "If any one would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross 'daily' and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it....

....It striked a bell in me, I should say it pierced my heart, it has wounded my heart a lot that no other WOG has touched me like this and yet I don't know why.I remember writing long long pages on this particular word of God then. Yes , it has influenced me in every aspect of my life from then on. I could count on how my life has changed from then on.....

and understood them, and life and death ceased to seem to me evil, and instead of despair I experienced happiness and the joy of life undisturbed by death.
And now I understand better,what 'Patience' is, what 'Hope' is ,& what is exactly 'Life in HIM' !

O Dio, chi sei Tu? (O God, who are you ? )

(Some reflections of mine together with that of St.Augustine as I read his famous work, ‘Le confessioni’)

Who are you O lord? Really who are you? I have heard this mysterious question many a time, long back!Really mysterious. Now I have started asking myself, who are you ? You can get into even into my thoughts. You are not human indeed. But you can realise the needs of humans more than I can. You are not as weak as human, but you can better understand my human weakness, even before I can make out. You are not my mamma or papa, but you love me even more than them. You make plans for me rather fast than them.You understand my thoughts even before I think. You know the Past, present and even the very future of mine. All these I know! But why you do so?

Very often I can feel you inside me. I can feel you talk to me in my heart! Sometimes I can feel your presence in others. At times you speak to me through them. Where are you actually my Lord? where are you really ?
As St. Augustine says,
Do you really exist? If yes, where do you exist? Do you exist in me?

Da ‘Le confessioni’ - Dio nell’anima e l’anima in Dio :

Non esisterai dunque, mio Dio, non esisterai affatto, se Tu non fossi in me. O piuttosto non esisterai, se, io non fossi in Te.<< da cui, per cui, in cui, tutto esiste >>. Rom 11: 36 ... Ma alllora dove Ti invocho, se io sono in Te? Da dove potresti venire in me? Potrei forse trovare un posto fuori di cielo e della terra, perche` di la` possa venire in me, il mio Dio che disse, << Io riempio il cielo e la terra >>.

(From ‘The confessions’.God in Soul and soul in God: You don’t exist so, my God, you don’t exist really, if you are not in me. O rather you don’t exist, if I’m not in you. “For Him, through Him and to Him are all things”. Rom 11: 36.... if so, from where should I cry call you, if I’m in You ? From where you can come to me? May be you have to find another place which is above the sky and the earth , as from there you can come to me, as you have said , “ I fill the heaven and the earth”. Ger 23: 24 )

The fact which is indeed interesting to me. And I too have the same confusions as that of St. Augustine. If you are wholly filled in the sky and the earth, then are you wholly filled in me?

Ma Tu che riempi il tutto, lo riempi di tutto il tuo essere? O invece, non potendo l’universo contenerti per intero, contiene solo una parte di Te, e tutte le cose insieme contengono una stessa parte? ......... O sei tutto dovunque e niente puo` contenerti tutto ?

Is the universe and everything in it are so weak to contain you? To contain you as the whole. You are mighty indeed for our thoughts. You are mighty indeed for us Lord. Help us in our weaknesses.

O mio Dio, che sei Tu dunque? Infatti << chi e Signore tranne il Signore. Chi e Dio tranne Dio? >> Salmo 18: 32 (For who is Lord besides the Lord,and who is God besides our God ? Ps: 18:32)

A beautiful week with the Italian teenagers!

It’s been a great shock for me to spend a whole week with the a group of Italians that too teenagers........ In the midst of strange Italians that too with their fast strange Italian accent..........O God, I even asked myself “why me?”

First 2 days were literally strange and days of mystery for me! Not even a single word I could understand. My eyes even became red because of my strenuous effort to concentrate much on the Italian language of the boys. I was really REALLY sick of being there. But everything happens according to HIS will. And that is exactly true!

Slowly slowly I could come down to the world of reality!I could find many teachers for my Italian lessons. Maria Francesca, Rosa Maria, Maurizio... and also many other vibrant youngsters. The funniest part I was playing a dual person there. I had to respond in Italian while they speak English to me. In a way, the role of a teacher for them and at the same time to be a student to learn Italian from them. Give and take process. But I enjoyed that a lot! Playing the dual role!

With Fr.Serge, Sr.Roberta, Bro.Enzo and with other animators my world was changing. I was accepting Italians, Italiano everything as a part of myself !

In the camp, different aspects of ‘LOVE’ were discussed on each day. ‘Loving yourself’, ‘Loving your family’, ‘Loving each other’, ‘Love in friendship’ & ‘Loving the world’. To my surprise different but strange & weird opinions came up in the group.But as usual, everything has to go on well and it happened here also.

But...........

The importance of sacraments were not dealt in much detail.In the whole 7 days , only3 days we had Holy Mass. Also the sacrament of Penance could have been dealt in a more interesting way and in a more fruitful way.

And about Adoration. Even though there was only little time for adoration, it was the most wonderful time for me. And even a girl responded during evaluation that she was greatly touched by Jesus during adoration. This wa really a reminder for me to believe that only Jesus can make a change in persons. Whatever we try to do, whatever we plan, only He can bring change in persons.what we can do is only to show the true way to others, we can only lead others to him never can change persons. Transformation is HIS job!

I even had a lot of discussions informally and formally with the youngsters during the camp. With my little Italian I was able to communicate Indian culture, my mission works and even the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. Even that could help in witnessing/ giving Jesus to others.One boy responded during the evaluation that he was happy to meet me- a person who could feel the presence of the Lord always. Praise you Jesus!

If he has chosen you, he will give you the grace to move forward. Exactly true ! Now I could feel the progression in my Italian. I could speak well, I can understand better than before and I do speak with confidence, but of course with lot of errors. Let all glory and honour be Yours !

And I still believe and I proclaim that ‘ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’.

Phil 4: 13. Amen.