Close your eyes, Fall in Love & Stay there !

Mistakes rule my life !!!
I accept my faults ! I do repeat - Love is all about forgiving !
Prejudice & judgements don't even have a place in True Love ! If so, its not Love !
I have mistaken! I know the hollowness within me. How weak and feeble I'm ! I do accept it and raise it to the Almighty in silence and pray to fill me with His Love !
For the grace to 'Close my eyes, fall in Love and to remain like that' !
A beautiful thought that I read these days :
"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."
Yes, its in ruins a treasure can be found ! But the difference here is even in the midst of ruins, when I go on your knees and my tears touch HIS feet, His Mercy fills my life and heels me, and there I find my treasure! HE turns everything good to those who Love HIM!
Lord I do accept mt faults. I'm weak and go insane most of the times! I do accept that!
I do accept that, without your knowledge nothing happens in my Life ! Let this conviction leads me ahead ! 
And I just wanna
 'Close my eyes, fall in Love and stay there' !

LOST....

Its all about Love !
A '100 days' can make a difference!
The days- of falling in Love,of laughters, of cracking jokes, of longingness to see, to speak ,to listen, of joy, of learning, of knowing, of realizing, of worries, of sufferings, of renewing, and of course of a NEWNESS !

All the long it started around 100 days back from the Pentecost ! Almost from the Ash Wednesday! And successfully running 100 days, I realize how damn fool I can be! I was busy creating a beautiful rainbow of LOVE all these days and at the end, a drastic end ! I'm loving the way in which HE interferes in my life ! How strange HE is? Wondering on all the beautiful concepts had been woven on Love ! The 'Love' which 'I had' 100 days back, is now completely different from the one which 'I have' now ! A '100 days' can change our lives a lot ! The vigil of Pentecost 2013- a BURNING experience - a renewing one ! I was Lost... Lost also my so called 'real love'!  But I loved it, because HE was teaching me something new, something precious, which I will never ever forget ! Love is all about forgiving and forgetting ! But Love is also about being 'Faithful' too, which really lacked in mine !But still I know, there is a search to know, what 'Real Love' is?

Love is the most beautiful thing in the world! It makes people so beautiful, so sweet and so unpredictable and also dangerous! Confessing the reality, I was really in a confusion, or to be precise I'M in a confusion on what is real Love ! Neither  exist criterias nor standards to define 'REAL LOVE'! It happens , when it happens ! As it says in Metaphysics, Love is LOVE ! nothing more nothing less ! And the long talks, jokes & laughters and all never take  you to 'LOVE'! If so, it will be soon the 'Lost Love', just like mine !

But the 100 days was beautiful with me! Was an eye opener to know, how my Lord is leading and guiding me ! Even though it was hard to learn it! All I could do was, go to his feet and cry! And it did  work out! Though my Head floats, though my senses freeze, though I doubt about my existence, I'm sure of one thing, that I have changed ! The Spirit has made me new person, has brought me a 'NEWNESS" ! All thanks and glory to HIM!

"Look at me as many times as you wish,
but you won’t get to know me !
Since you have last seen me,
I’ve changed a hundred times". 

The 'CROSS'ings !

The Crossings in our lives & the Cross - an interesting point of thought !
From Gabbatha to Gogotha, the wooden Cross  accompanying  Jesus or Jesus accompanying the Cross?
Where lot of contradictions happen !
The symbol of hatred and abandonment becomes the sign of Love & Salvation !
The altar where, the first Canonization happened- the good thief !
The place where which the first proclamation of Faith happened- 'Truly He was the Son of God' !. That too from a pagan - a roman Centurion !
Where Humanity was given a mother - Mother Mary !

At times, in our lives also so called 'Crosses' are there, where Jesus himself ask us to carry our cross and follow Him! But what we think as 'Crosses' are really Cross or so called, made up cross for us? Was going through a reflection on Cross last days. The 'so called crosses' in our lives are not crosses at all ! As we do not 'ACCEPT' it or WELCOME it with our whole heart !
Yes cross becomes cross, when we welcome it and surrender ourselves to the sufferings to it . But it can never ever do with the Cross of Jesus ! As HE welcomes it with Love for us!
And We, may be 'I', don't even now what LOVE is- what I have is just a 'virtual image' or understanding of 'LOVE' ! As Love is service ! Love in itself is Selfgiving! And I'm at the service of others?What selfless service I do in my life ? Questions which need answers ! not mere answers, but answers from LIFE !

Well, for us cross is the desires of others - even that of God- drawn against that of ours !
But apart from that, the Love of God, flowing from him to Me, inorder to flow to others!
So from the 'so called crosses' in our lives , does Love flow out ? If not , then its not a cross!! It can never be similar to the Cross of Christ !
Let every crossings in our lives be a Cross- from where the Love floes out !

O Wooden Cross of Jesus, you have saved us from death ! Let Your Love flow out from our cross! Let your Light enlighten our ways of Cross! And lead us to everlasting Life !
Amen.
 

ALONE !

Once again a GOOD FRIDAY ! 
Each year, when Easter days pass by, I used to mediatate and 'feel very sad' on the passion of Christ . But to my surprise this year nothing happened so ! Neither worries, nor His Passion was my point of  reflection! 
But Jesus as a MAN, his Cross, His friends, and what am I to do with HIs Life? (Normaly the contrary has to happen- What has He to do with my life!) 

Even during the night of passion, I felt like sitting with Him- just to know what I have to do with HIs life! And was going through the Gospel passages on the Passion of Christ ! ( Actually what happened was, I was doubtful of 'what to do' sitting next to Him.So thought of going through  the Bible , thinking that  some solid thought or revelation will happen to me. But I was mistaken !) Reading the Gospel according to John, a certain phrase of Jesus, started poping up very interesting to me.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled !" 
As we go through this Gospel, its getting repeated many  times- this verse runs through the chapters 14 to 17! Was it an assurance for us or for Himself ? If its for me, what have I to do with His life? 
And can be seen the extremities that He is  Speaking about- 'You will see me and then you will not see me!',  'Now I'm with you then I will not!', 'You will weep, you will be hated by the World,.... '- Do not let your hearts be troubled !!! - All the happenings, persecutions everything foretold.
But we can see Jesus clearly trying to reveal  the Father God here. Everything He says, everything He does is from Father, nothing , not even a word or gesture comes from Him! And the Paraclete , who helps Him in doing so ! Shortly speaking, His Passion for St.John, clearly explains the Theology of the TRINITY! 
His Agony was because , he was made to experince the Fruits of the Sin, not the Sin, and it is the separation for  the God- of not being listened by the Lord ! Yes thats the fruit of the Sin- being away from the Lord- being all Alone for yourselves, being closed up in Yourselves , being away from the Mercy of the Lord! And thats where Jesus felt the agony at its peak!!
But what have I to do with this? There comes the 'Trianium Answer' !
The Father Glorifiying the Son, the Son Glorifying the Father and seeing this the people- We- I- glorifying the Father & Son with the help of Paraclete! What a marvelous answer He gave ! Glorifying God ! 
Thats what I should do ! But I cannot do it all alone, but with the help of Paraclete ! 
And I don't wannna be more in that Loneliness- being away from the Lord- NOT Being ALONE !
   
  
 

Its Complicated!

"Be thoughtful, but not complicated. Enter into dialogue with everyone, but remain yourselves" - Pope Benedict XVI.
A beautiful thought on which I was pondering over these days . Be thoughtful but not complicated ! It was interesting, NO, it IS interesting. I was living out a strange feeling of 'existence', of 'loneliness', of 'desertification' (not in the exact sense meant by Benedict XVI! I'm not that Holy! ) these days. Didn't even want to share this with any one but wanted to overcome these in a silence, which I tried to find within me , but miserably failed to discover it. The one which I possessed once, I had lived once and I have failed in preserving it.  But a real sense of 'being lived' is a deep question within me!

Was going through some spiritual writings these days and found a Phrase very interesting : 'The lack of silence in our words, the lack of limits in our  relationships, the lack of life in our deeds', all these confirming a 'Life lived by the dead'. Do I really relish the sense or meaning of life which He has given me? The purpose He has put in my life? I'm still ignorant, even though right now I'm listening to a music which has beautiful
'Be still before the Lord, wait patiently for Him, Trust in the lord and dwell in His Holy Land.....'
Many a time it was time for me to ACT and then I was MEDITATING! Many a time I was meant to be in Silence and then I was in a hyper phase of activity ! Its CCC- Completely Complicated and Contradicting (Interesting to note some 'rephrasings' happening in my life these days !)

For sure these are the times of 'Polyphony' where many sounds really sound and confused to listen to 'what', to hold on to 'what'! But thinking again, Christ was a man of Contradictions - 'destined to be a sign that is opposed'- The prophesy of Simeon!
But what will remain with you is always a question : 'What have you done?What is the miracle in you ?'
To be silent before the Lord or to wander ceaselesly for the Lord?
I think its the BOTH : Like Francis of Assisi ! To be with HIM always! To be aware of HIS presence in my life! The very first act of giving a space for Christ and His words in everything we do or everything we think, can itself be a ceaseless prayer - A divine silence to ponder over and over - A thought which never complicates- which  nourishes the real self of being 'MINE' and at the same time HIS- a nutshell of Mine with a treasure of HIM hidden inside ! But many a time, this dual thoughts don't coexist in me ! I cannot welcome both the good and bad, as HE did. That is where I fail ! That is where I fail to live my Silence ! Where all my search for something 'anonymous' reaches no where !
But the promise still remains - 'Deserts will broke into springs' !
And now its time to FACE THE MUSIC - Be still before the Lord, wait patiently for Him, Trust in the lord and.....!
Amen.

Pope Benedict XVI - An Incredible Man! Viva il Papa!

In each moment of our lives, God plants something new, the seeds that are planted in my liberty at every moment by God’s will are the seeds of my own identity, my own reality, my own happiness, my own sanctity. To discover these seeds and make them grow in me is the mystery of life. - 'New seeds of contemplation', Thomas Merton.

Was fortunate enough to be in St.Peter's square today (27/02/2013) for the last audience of the Pope Benedict XVI. The square was filled thousands !And  moreover, the Pope, his graceful face, the serenity and peace he had was clearly visible! And his words -Words right from the profound serenity, liberty of his heart! From the 'certainty' in the Word of God! Incredible !

(Turning back, this man, his words, has deeply  influenced me right from my college days. Getting to know his Theology is one of the main reasons why I'm here in Rome !His clear and precise stating of Biblical facts always in reference with the teachings of the Church fathers and the recent philosophy, gives much ambiance to the fact being stated! Beautiful are his writings for a theology student! )

This day was a bit hectic for me, as we had to take the train early morning from Castel Gandolfo, the Pope's Summer residence, which is 15 miles away from Vatican. The morning was foggy and cold, but the very great desire to see the Pope for the last time made us do take up any difficulties with much happiness! Reached Vatican by 8.00 in the morning and to our surprise, the whole of 'Via della conciliazione' was blocked from there started the entry to the piazza. By around 8.30 the square was almost full with thousands from different parts of the world. The crowd seemed to be very calm than usual that day and most of them were overjoyed in seeing the Pope. The Wednesday audience being the final public appearance in vatican, His Holiness did give many 'rounds' with his 'Papal  vehicle 'across the square greeting almost all the faithful present there. We were blessed to see His Holiness very near to us and His Holiness stopped near to us to bless a new born and to our surprise, he did come for the second time on the same way !

 His face seemed to be more radiant and graceful and a special joy and peace was clearly seen on his face. I was just mentioning to the friends with me about the 'serenity' visible on him compared to his other general appearances. And for the first time, I felt like he was speaking directly from his heart, and  the continuous applause made by the crowd for each and every sentence of His Holiness is a great sign that how much his words have touched each of us personally. His words was reflecting his profound internal liberty, certainty on the Word of God and his great humility ! Especially the imagery His Holiness used to compare his papacy with St.Peter on the boat :

"And eight years later, I can say that the Lord has guided me, I was close, I could feel his presence every day.It was a part of the journey of the Church that has had moments of joy and light, but also difficult moments, I felt like St. Peter and the Apostles in the boat on the Sea of Galilee, the Lord has given us many days of sunshine and a light breeze, the days when the fishing is plentiful, and there were also times when the water was rough and the wind was storng, as in the whole history of the Church, and the Lord seemed to sleep. But I always knew that the boat is in the Lord and I always knew that the boat of the Church is not mine, not ours, but His."
  The great support His Holiness received from people these days was  a clear sign for us to see and experience that the Church is a 'living reality'. His Holiness himself confirmed this. "Yes, the Pope is never alone, now I experience it again in a way so great that touches the heart. The Pope belongs to everyone and a lot of people feel very close to him...Experience the Church in this way and you can almost touch it with your hands the power of his truth and his love is a source of joy, a time when many speak of its decline. Let's see how the Church is alive today!"
The response from the crowd for these words of Him was tremendous. And His Holiness was very clear about the renunciation of His Papacy :
" The "always" is also a "forever" - there will not be a return to the private sector... I will not return to the private life, to a life of travel, meetings, receptions, conferences and so on. It does not mean  that I abandon the cross, but will remain with the Crucified Lord in a 'new way' "
And was a strong proclamation made by His Holiness of of his Internal Liberty : "In recent months, I felt that my strength had decreased, and I asked God earnestly in prayer to enlighten me with his light to make me take the right decision not for my sake, but for the good of the Church . I have taken this step in full awareness of its severity but also  with a deep serenity of my mind. Loving the Church also means having the courage to make tough choices, having sufferings,  always for the good of the Church."   An interesting concept which I studied in Anthropology - about the liberty of man, and this liberty which he exercises with continuous conscience with the Absolute Divinity. I was doubtful, on this liberty of man, whether its only a theoretical concept or not but here I have the best example in front of me ! The Pope in his Declaratio says : "After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my  strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry."  A person of great Internal liberty ! 

We were also fortunate to see His Holiness for the last time in Castel Gandolfo. And the beautiful thing was, when HIs Holiness started from Vatican , all the Church bells started ringing bidding farewell to the dear Pope, till he reached Castel gandolfo . And in castel Gandolfo, in the 'square of Liberty' (Piazza della Liberta-  The name which surprisingly  coincidences with His Holiness for his great Internal Liberty) we were all waiting in a prayerful silence for the last words of this great man! Almost 2 hrs of waiting didn't give us any relishing words from Pope Emeritus, but a few sentences : "I will not be no longer the Supreme Pontiff of the Catholic Church until eight in the evening. I am simply a pilgrim who  begins the last stage of his pilgrimage on this earth.But I would still, with my heart, my love, my prayer, my reflection, with all my inner strength, to work for the common good and the good of the Church and of humanity...Let us go forward together with the Lord for the good of the Church and the world." BUONA NOTTE ( Good night)

Many were not satisfied with the few words of His Holiness, but being fortunate to see His Holiness for the last time was more than anything for us. But remained a mistery for all of us  'the greeting good night' at 5.45 in the eve of the day by the Pope Emeritus ! Today our prof explained, that was a sign to bid farewell to the  public appearances of His Holiness !Right now His Holiness is here in Castel Gandolfo , very near to us - just 10 mts of walk from our house- a man of great Internal Liberty and we all feel so happy to be near to Him! What touched me the most was a banner which was addressed to His Holiness during His last audience saying, : Santo Padre, non ci sentiamo  abbondonati, ma piu' fortificatificati. buona Missione Santo Padre !- (Holy Father, we do not feel being abandoned, but being more strengthened . Wish you a 'Good Mission' Holy Father!)
Its the same we all wanted to say to His Holiness Pope Emiretus Benedcit XVI ! And I still miss you Papa !