I was pouring out my complaint again! About the nothingness in front of me, about the troubles,about the sacrifices, about the distresses, about the desires, about the dreams ... and on and on and on.
And at times, I ask myself," have I mistaken? "; "Have I gone wrong any where?"; "The choice, was from me ?"; And my most frequently asked question '"Can I walk back?" ,knowing its useless in itself, a 'no matter question' to others!
Because, the 'YES' once said is 'YES FOREVER'! And the burden is too much for me to bear. From one to the other, double faced persons, make me 'Untrust' HIM!
At times 'Faith' becomes a 'fantasy' for me!
Living the Lord's 'Terribleness' and 'gentleness' at the same time is really strange!And what I can only do is 'wash Your feet with my tears!'
"You will weep no more.How gracious HE will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears HE will answer you". Is 30: 19But HE desires it & it is His will, that I should pour out my troubles before Him, and not let it lie it upon myself , dragging it about with me and being chafed and tortured by it, so that in the end I make two or even ten or hundred calamities out of one. HE wills that I should be too weak to bear and overcome troubles, such that I may lean to find strength in Him, and that He may be praised through His Strength in me.
Reading my 'lengthy Taize notes', reminds me the 'Mistery and Fantasy' that HE keeps on playing in my life, at the end assuring a long LIFE in HIm, in HIm alone !
But still I come to my Lord, my King, with large petitions, for His Grace and Power are such, that none can ever ask too much!And above all, He sends His Helper to me, who helps me to reflect on the 'Pleasant surprises' that He has left for me all through out my life.
And singing my ever favorite Taize chant :
Veni Sancte Spiritus,Come Holy Spirit, from Heaven shine forth,
with your glorious light,
Veni Sancte Spiritus....
You are my only comforter, peace of the soul,
in my labor you refresh me
And in trouble you are my only strength,
Veni Sancte Spiritus!'.
And at times, I ask myself," have I mistaken? "; "Have I gone wrong any where?"; "The choice, was from me ?"; And my most frequently asked question '"Can I walk back?" ,knowing its useless in itself, a 'no matter question' to others!
Because, the 'YES' once said is 'YES FOREVER'! And the burden is too much for me to bear. From one to the other, double faced persons, make me 'Untrust' HIM!
At times 'Faith' becomes a 'fantasy' for me!
Living the Lord's 'Terribleness' and 'gentleness' at the same time is really strange!And what I can only do is 'wash Your feet with my tears!'
"You will weep no more.How gracious HE will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears HE will answer you". Is 30: 19But HE desires it & it is His will, that I should pour out my troubles before Him, and not let it lie it upon myself , dragging it about with me and being chafed and tortured by it, so that in the end I make two or even ten or hundred calamities out of one. HE wills that I should be too weak to bear and overcome troubles, such that I may lean to find strength in Him, and that He may be praised through His Strength in me.
Reading my 'lengthy Taize notes', reminds me the 'Mistery and Fantasy' that HE keeps on playing in my life, at the end assuring a long LIFE in HIm, in HIm alone !
But still I come to my Lord, my King, with large petitions, for His Grace and Power are such, that none can ever ask too much!And above all, He sends His Helper to me, who helps me to reflect on the 'Pleasant surprises' that He has left for me all through out my life.
And singing my ever favorite Taize chant :
Veni Sancte Spiritus,Come Holy Spirit, from Heaven shine forth,
with your glorious light,
Veni Sancte Spiritus....
You are my only comforter, peace of the soul,
in my labor you refresh me
And in trouble you are my only strength,
Veni Sancte Spiritus!'.
